Brianna Fitzgerald ENG 110 Professor Amy Amoroso October 5th, 2017 Learning Log Writing is a recursive process My first draft had more local than global issues. Grammar isn’t my strong suit so that is typically where I struggle more during my essays. I made some improvements to my introduction and trying to capture the reader’s attention better. I usually place my thesis statement in my introductory paragraph and then have to figure out how to introduce the thesis. With my rough draft, I only had my thesis as my introductory paragraph so I knew I had to add more to it before completing my final draft. I included a few sentences in front of my thesis introducing some social issues our society faces and ones that related to Hallward and social cohesion. I also fixed the structure of my sentences and how they flowed. Some of my sentences sounded a bit weird or choppy so I had to fix those throughout my essay. Once I write sentences in my essay I almost can’t picture my essay without them, so that is where peer editing would come in and having others tell me when sentences are unnecessary. I most likely could have fixed more in my essay and I am going to work on that in later essays. You can view my rough draft at https://docs.google.com/a/une.edu/document/d/1IvMysSWmoEBzWVuJZoHgZCDSN4f9_XtYpZgslHIX8tM/edit?usp=sharing . Here you can view my rough draft with the comments that my peer editor made. Here you can view my final draft with all the changes I made since my rough draft. https://docs.google.com/a/une.edu/document/d/18HPxtafzaEAte0ZwzuP7Lse_V4igheLN1Icd0d7DpsE/edit?usp=sharing .

When it comes to my second essay; the issue at hand between my first and second draft was that my first draft didn’t relate enough to civil rights making it hard to connect to Duhigg, Epstein, and Hallward’s viewpoints. From my first draft to my second draft I tried to focus more on feminism and the civil rights aspect of it rather than stereotypes. I still included stereotypes in my paper, but tried to focus just a paragraph or two on it rather than making it the main focus. The difference between my first draft to my second draft is quite great. I believe that by focusing more on feminism I was able to make better connections to other civil rights events, such as Rosa Parks and the fight for African American Rights. Also, it made it easier to connect my thoughts with the ones of Epstein, Hallward and Duhigg. A copy of my first draft can be viewed at https://docs.google.com/a/peabody.k12.ma.us/document/d/10XUgaXjd46LZcTCehbsUGUypONlqcRqGCe6vuai-Nvc/edit?usp=sharing .

My final draft can be viewed at https://docs.google.com/a/une.edu/document/d/15ap_sSs5H0695yr_VekQ2BalSX2iwUpw9pm8QJ9Sxrg/edit?usp=sharing .Integrating your ideas with those of others During my essay I quoted from Epstein and Hallward. One thing I usually remember to is to introduce the quote. The piece of writing that included Hallward’s words was, “In Anne Hallward’s Ted Talk “How Telling Our Silenced Stories Can Change the World” she highly focuses on the aspect of shame. She says, “And what I found in my work is that actually shame is not just a very very painful feeling. It is actually a lethal public health threat, because shame is at the heart of essentially everything I do. Shame is at the heart of depression…It’s at the heart of addiction…It’s also at the heart of suicide” (Hallward 3:02).” I go on to explain the quote and its importance to my essay and how the idea of shame relates back to my topic and how my ideas are shared with Hallward’s. I also quote from Esptein, mostly using a definition she stated in her writing, “Social cohesion quoted from Helen Epstein’s writing “AIDs, Inc.” is , “the tendency of people to talk openly with one another and form trusted relationships” (Epstein 116). “ I used this quote and definition to strengthen my essay and how to connect my ideas to Hallward’s and Epstein’s making the whole essay come into a connection. The quotation sandwich is a strategy I try to use by introducing the quote, stating the quote, and then explaining the meaning and importance of the quote and how it relates to my topic. I find the way I use quotes in my essay to improve my essay and argument and make it easier for the reader to understand what I am trying to explain. With my second essay, I believe I did a very great job of connecting my ideas on feminism and gender stereotypes with the ideas of Duhigg when it comes to creating social change. I thoroughly explained each part of his process and how it connected to creating change in feminism. I believe that was a strong part of my paper. I seemed to have struggled more when it came to relating it to Hallward and Epstein. I did include Epstein’s idea of “movements only being a strong as the conversations that surround them”. I thought that idea strongly connected to my topic and what I was arguing about creating social change. I think I could have improved more in including the ideas of Hallward. Active, critical reading I like to take notes while I read and annotate on the side of the reading. When I annotate I typically make small comments on what the reading is saying and occasionally I will ask questions on the side. I tend to more summarize in a few words what paragraph or piece of the writing is saying and will underline quotes I deem important. I also circle ideas or words that seem to be reoccurring and seem to contribute to the theme or lesson of the reading. To improve my annotating, I think I need to make more connections while reading. Connections don’t typically pop into my mind while I am reading so that is something I am going to try and work on and improve while reading later texts. The only connections occasionally I will make are text-to-self. I find it harder to make Text-to-text and text-to-world connections because typically when I am reading that is what is on my mind and outside ideas don’t usually come to mind. I am going to work on maybe pausing every once in a while, and thinking about connections to the outside world. Critiquing your own and others’ work I am not as good at critiquing my own work as I am at critiquing others work. When critiquing my own work, I find it hard to step back and realize what needs to change. I especially find it hard to know when to take things out of my writing. I am ok with trying to restructure my essay and with trying to change sentences to make them flow better. I am not very good at finding grammar issues in my own essay. When I read others work I typically look for local issues the first time through and comment on those. Then I go through and work more on global issues. I like reading the essay through first before commenting on global issue because I want to see how the essay flows initially, then go through and comment on what I would find helpful to their essay. This is our first essay this year so, it is harder to compare back to older peer editing comments, but comments I have made are, “Maybe try and rephrase sentence so it doesn’t sound so repetitive” or, “ Try including more of your thoughts and try to relate and connect them back to Hallward’s or Epstein’s”. When it came to my second essay, I believe I did a good job at critiquing my own essay and by figuring out what needed to change from my first draft to my second draft. There was a big difference between my two drafts and I believe the changes I made helped my paper for the better and made better connections with other ideas. I also believe I did a better job at critiquing others writing. I tried to focus more on global aspects while peer editing. I focused on paper and paragraph structure and the connection of the different ideas all together which you can view herehttps://docs.google.com/a/une.edu/document/d/16sD80KMy-krJLMizos53iesuFoavH6dkrUIaOT5bARY/edit?usp=sharing . Using MLA citation For this essay the work cited page was included at the bottom of the prompt so it wasn’t hard to include that. This is our first essay this year so there aren’t any previous essays to relate back to in order to compare any changes to yet. I don’t find citing my quotes really hard. For this essay, citing in text only included the others last name then either a page number or a time from the Ted talk. The only thing that was kind of hard during citing was properly formatting the work cited page with the margins and such and figuring out the time at which a quote was at during Epstein’s Ted talk. In order to do this, you had to go back to the Ted talk and re-listen for when your quote was throughout the video. I believe this was one of the first times I quoted from a video, so it was nice to learn how to do that and it was very similar to text citations, which was quite interesting to know. Managing individual error patterns Some error patterns that I occasionally run into would be comma use, and run-ons. I wasn’t quite positive if my thesis had a bit too much comma use, but I couldn’t really think of another way to state it without using a few commas. My thesis was, “Anne Hallward’s radio show, Safe Space, allows for her to touch on sensitive subjects that people must endure, such as eating disorders and body shaming, making it possible to share with others what you are going through supporting and spreading social cohesion.” I include a few commas in my thesis statement, but it is hard to determine when I use too many commas. With this sentence, “. After seeing herself as bigger for so many years and the occasional comments from others she didn’t believe that she was losing weight or looked any smaller and she resorted to unhealthy measures such as not eating and over exercising her body which caused her to develop an eating disorder.” I think I may have run on a bit and it may have worked better by breaking it into two smaller sentences. To maybe improve in this area when reading over my essay I can take it sentence by sentence instead of trying to go through the whole thing for issues. I think this will help me over all strengthen the qualities of my sentences. I see that in my second essay the use of commas was far fewer than my first essay. Also, I believe that the structure of my sentences and paragraphs were far more effective. I believe that the essay overall flows better and that my thesis which was, “I believe that change can be achieved through using Duhigg’s three part process for social change. Pulitzer Prize winning reporter, Charles Duhigg shares his method of creating social change. He focuses on the importance “strong ties”, “weak ties”, and new habits and bringing them together to achieve social change.” I think my thesis was more inclusive of what I was going to touch on in the essay and what I was arguing was more clear.